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-Roughly $831 for my 4 classes of college

-Planning to buy a 3DS for $169.99 (but it’s already been reduced to savings of $93)

-Planning to buy 15mm-300mm zoom lens for my Nikon camera $400 roughly

-Toshiba laptop I desire at Officemax for $500 roughly (i’ll use financial aid)

-Oni-Con tickets $60 (me and my hubby)

-$100 school supplies -> need it for my art classe(s)

-Textbooks I’ll only need two and in my head I’m going in the prices of $50-100 total

-$500 worth of food for 5 months

-$500 worth of gas for 5 months

(5 months this semester = August through December)

.__. I’ve been saving up pretty good without a job…but it seems like the camera lens and the 3DS is out of the question…but I’m so close for the 3DS Dx SO CLOSE DANG IT!!

Good news - I’m going to recover probably in two weeks.

Bad news 1- I have a bad case of hemorrhoids/internal bleeding from the spice after another checkup with the doctor.

Bad news 2- Just lay off jalapenos and their seeds…probably forever.

Bad news 3- THE CONSTIPATION SUCKS BALLS.

I did not like my senior year. Not one bit. I fought hard to keep up with my grades in Pre-Calculus. I was very close to failing and not graduate. I had a lot of fun times with the band, for they kept me alive from depression. I fought hard to think, wow, I have some friends. But, some can’t always help me. I can’t help but care for others when I’m the one who gets hurt. I never played the violin, but the students who stayed all those years in high school taught me, I have a passion for something. Money is hard on me because I like to spend, but now I know what to do. It doesn’t hurt to be selfish. I wish my whole family could see me graduate today. But, father, I hate you. I hate you like my ex-boyfriend named Jonathan Morales. I hate that bastard so much; I wish he disappeared from life like you did. I wish I could know that one cousin I never got to get close to until now. I wish my mom could love and appreciate the kind boyfriend I have now. The boyfriend who helped me since last summer. The one who taught me I should be happy with myself. I wish I could make you happy and have no arguments on anything, even the slightest smallest things. I wish I could. I wish I could say goodbye to my friend who died from cancer not too long ago. I wish I didn’t cut my hair, but I felt like a change. I wish I didn’t have to suffer all eighteen years of my life, thinking, I think life isn’t so bad but it is. I wish…a lot of things. But today, I’m graduating from high school. I’m speechless. It finally hit me. I wish everyone could understand how I feel. But not everyone does. And that’s okay. I just want to express how I feel. I feel so confined and isolated. But I know I’m not alone. I will try to smile more. But. I’m broken a little ever since this year started. I wish I could pick up the pieces, realign them, and delete the ones that could be impermanently disappear. I love my mom and the boyfriend I have now. I want the two of them to be happy. I want to be happy with myself. Somehow. I want happiness.

My worst fear to die in are car accidents. :/

I hope for those who think I drive too careful is to save your life and mine’s from any harm.

Something that ruined my day was when we went to Food Town to cash in $23 of change there, upon leaving, a rude black lady said, “Excuse me?” out of nowhere. I looked to turn over my shoulder and thought she was directing that towards me. Then she has the nerve to say, “This Asian chick was giving me a nasty look; I would have kick that chink’s ass.” My boyfriend just took me back to the car quickly and took another route since she was standing all pissed at one of the exits, expecting for me to come by. 

You know, it’s been more than six months in this relationship with Isaias. And, despite several disagreements and some arguments on some things, we are accepting and learning each other mistakes and are willing to help each other.

I’m actually happy he’s going to night school. Not because he IS taking a course for the night, but because he is taking care of his business. 

I don’t care if he’s not perfect. I’m just quite happy he is growing into a mature man, about to be 19, and getting rid or improving some of the old habits of his. Though he still is a video game addict, who isn’t? I know it’s like sex or a sport for guys to play video games, and hell, I play video games, so it’s okay.

Everything seem fine for now. It’s just. Two more months. Then. We’re graduating. I know. It’s already…time. Though I am getting kind of worried but not stressful about Isaias whether or not he will pass, but I have faith and if he doesn’t pass, well, I need to control my anger or tone. He is trying, sometimes, that is. 

Wonder if I should host a graduation party, by the way. o.o

there was this timid, shy girl
named Ayuda Pengyou. 
Her job was to go to the school’s library
and make coffee for every student who purchases 
any flavor for a dollar.

A boy named Isaac came to the library
to always buy the Hazelnut coffee.
Pengyou one day asked, “You always buy that flavor, why?”
He replied, “So what?”
She gave an annoyed look before handing his drink, but before she pulled back her hand, he grabs her wrist and teases her, calling her “brace-face”.

Pengyou used her free hand to scratch
his arm and with her nails to make him bleed.

Isaac lets out a howl, screaming, “Ah, let go!”
Pengyou lets go after successfully digging into his skin. She was letting him feel the pain he had inflicted on her.

Seconds after still feeling the sharp pain, 
Isaac took his Hazelnut and left the library.

The next day, a day before the Homecoming dance,
Pengyou realized she was still single before the event. 
She was working on someone’s coffee before she heard 
the unfathomable voice: “Hey brace-face.”
Pengyou looks up and sees Isaac’s coy smile.
“Get your damn face away from me.” She said in Chinese.
Ràng nǐ de liǎn lí wǒ ér qù.
Isaac replied, “Queso?”
Pengyou said, “Nothing.”

Isaac rests his elbow on the counter, inching his head closer to the slowly- aggravated girl.
“Will you go to the homecoming dance with me?”
Pengyou’s eyes grew wide, shocked by Isaac’s invite. 
Isaac waits for an answer.
Pengyou started to break into a cold sweat.
She couldn’t believe her ears.
Was this some sick joke? She thought.

Just when she thought this day could get any worse,
she declined his offer.
A sad, sorrowful expression filled his face.
It was as if a nail had pierced through his heart.

Isaac left again. Pengyou gives the prepared coffee to the student.
She lowers her head in shame, wondering why 
she was beginning to feel like this.

On the day of the homecoming dance, Pengyou
went to the dentist afterschool to finally remove her braces.
She was so relieved to remove them.
She didn’t even have to wear a retainer.
She went back to school to prepare for the
homecoming dance.
Pengyou was a member of the student council.
She was helping set up the homecoming dance.
Some were amazed how hardworking she was.
Every time someone handed her tools,
she shyly said her thanks.
Whenever she accidently bumped into another,
she solemnly apologizes.

Some wondered if she was going to the dance.
Some wondered if she even had a date.
Some were shocked her braces were taken off.
For all Pengyou could say to everyone, she was
glad her braces were off, but she was alone
for the night’s dance.

When the homecoming dance was nearing its opening time, Pengyou got ready in her dress.
She got a colbat, blue dress and wore it with heels 
that she brought with her afterschool.
Many were amazed how she looked.
She looked elegant, fabuluous, and magnificent.

Nearly in the middle of the dance,
someone tapps her shoulder from behind.
She turns around, shocked by who she sees.
Isaac was holding pink carnations towards her.
Some of Pengyou’s friends nearby gasped.

“Here’s my second chance at this, will you accept me?”
This time, with a frail smile, she pulled him by his tie that went with his tuxedo, luring him in by inching her lips towards his right ear,
“Yes.”

A jealous boy nearby came by to interrupt
their sweet romance.
Pengyou, shy and timid, didn’t know what to do.
Isaac arches a brow before throwing smartass comments.
The jealous boy was enraged, throwing a punch
towards Isaac’s face, throwing him off balance.
Then the two began to fist fight.
Pengyou grabbed a nearby fruit punch bowl and
splashed it on the envious other.
It caused the jealous male to flee.
Isaac, grateful, apologized for causing a scene.

Pengyou smiled and shook her head.
They resumed their night together on the
homecoming dance.
Time went by a fiery pace.
Before they know it, it was already over.

The next day, Pengyou was dressed normal.
Some stopped by to compliment her appearance.
More people bought coffee from the cafe now.
Then when she sees Isaac, she brings a coy smile.

“One hot chocolate please.” He ordered.
“Something different today?” She said, preparing it.
Isaac added, “But it’s not as sweet as you, my helping friend.”
Pengyou gives him his finished drink.
“Friend? Don’t you mean…” She whispered something that 
no one could hear her unaudiable voice.
Isaac turns beat red. “Girl?”
“Friend.” Pengyou said, finishing his words.

( This is my fairy tale story I told to my English IV teacher for a major grade.)

Things have grown better in my relationship. I am very happy, but sometimes I feel as if I don’t have the love for Isaias as much as I did with my ex-boyfriend. But it’s that saying where, “The heart is calm but knows it is in love but doesn’t beat fast because it doesn’t need to.” - anonymous.

I do miss my current boyfriend when he’s not spending time with me, though. I wait for him in the hallways in high school, and I smile to him when I do see him. Hmm, maybe I shouldn’t worry about it. I guess as long as I’m happy, it’s all good. I finally found someone who is loyal, loves me, and can share with anything with me. We’re best friends/lovers. It’s truly a nice thing to have.

The real good thing is he is going to the same colleges I go to, and he’s willing to move in with a job after we graduate in June 2012.

The main reason why I am slightly fazed, and this is off-topic, but yesterday both of my music directors in band and orchestra yelled at me in front of others. I asked my band director if I could print out a last minute correction essay, but not only did it aggravated him, he also gave me negative put downs as usual in the past. His words don’t faze me anymore, but his looks keep me slightly fazed. He lets me go print my essay, but the moment I hopped in my seat to play my clarinet, I dropped it and he had saw that. At least he didn’t say anything else after that.

Now my orchestra director got pissed at me when I was rehearsing my trio piece with my two friends Christina and Erwin. I had my other friend Helen’s violin because of it’s beautiful intonation and sound. Luckily she wasn’t there to witness the accident, but what had happen was when I was conversational with my orchestra teacher, I suddenly dropped her violin.

All four of us stared at the fallen instrument on the rug it was on for fifteen long seconds. My orchestra teacher was pretending to sob with the back of his free hand pressed tightly against his eyes. I started blabbering before he yelled, “SHUT UP.” to me. My heart stopped for a second before he hands me the violin and told me to hold it right. He then told me I kept talking and bickering like a little blond girl before we went back to playing the music piece.